One Of My Favorite Poems

What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore-- And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sags like a heavy load. Or does it explode?

A quick excursion

Peep the ambiance, I'm at work sitting in my cubicle staring at computer screens for 10 hrs, and hearing bells and dinging. I break out my lunch, a fresh green salad as I cut up avocado and squeezed the juice from a freshly cut lime on top. At that very moment, maybe from the feeling of eating fresh veggies, I decided to sneak out side. I ask one of my co-worker to cover for me and I grabbed my sweat shirt, my iPod, and phone and broke out.I found myself standing on the top of the companies garage with my iPod pumping Dave Dallas,"Caught in a daze" through my all black skull candies as I watch the sunset. There was something peace and serene about standing there on top of a building watching the sun slowly ascend behind the surrounding mountain range. As I got caught in the moment, and forgot where I am, and began to feel the warmth of the sun raise. Life is good!Well, I've been out here long enough, it's getting cold and plus, I'm suppose to be working, so, I better get back before the notice I'm gone.Peace

It's 2013

Hello everyone, its been a very long time since my last post and in the fifth day of this new year, I've made what many of us call new years resolutions and mottos. Many of which I will keep to myself for the time being, and two I will share with you right now.
The first is to spend more time writing,  I have several projects that I've neglected this past year, one of which is this blog. When I first began this, my life was change dramatically and my perspective of life had changed and suddenly it seems to be happened again. I find myself often questioning whats really important and wanting to change old paradigms. In this new year I want to be more expressive and this blog is definitely the best way to do it. I feel that my life is full of excitement and adventure and pray that I'm endowed with the words needed to express that property to you .
The second, is to watch as many sunrises and sunsets as possible. In these days and times,  life seems to move so fast. Every moment of everyday we are bombarded with so much,  so, I think if I spend the first and last hour to get focused and refocused I believe that it'll improve the quality of my life. How often do we pay attention to the world around us. .. When was the last time you looked at the sky and noticed the different shades of blue, or the trees and admired the deep green of its leaves. If you were to go blind while reading this, never to see anything again,  could you recall what the sun looked like as it starts its journey across the sky, or what it looked like when the sun retires for the night.

I was a super hero

I remember as a kid, I had a big imagination which allowed me to escape from the harsh realities of the real world at times. And as a kid I often dreamt of being a super hero, and often thought to myself that life was harsh because it was part of my journey to becoming a super hero and discovering my super powers. That was my justification, and rationalization for the way my world was. My mother caught on early, and used my childhood obsession to her advantage to get me to be a good kid. She would associate each vegetable with a super heroes powers, like eat your spinach so you'll be strong like the hulk, eat your carrots so you'll be able to see through walls like superman, things like that. I could remember wearing my superman under Roo's and tying a towel around my neck to make a cape, running around the house, jumping off the couches and pretending I could fly. My mom gave me my out super hero name then, it was "Ant-Man." As I got older I got bigger which perpetuated my super hero theory and by the time I was in six grade I was 6 ft and probably about 150lbs. I was bigger, stronger, and faster than all the other kids I knew. And I had created a story of where I came from, You see at this time in my life, I wasn't from earth, I was from a small planet named Lovetron. I created this story of how my planet was in turmoil, and was near destruction. And I the next to sit on the throne and rule my people, was of great importance. So, right before my planet was destroyed, my mother and father put me into a capsule and sent me plummeting through space, where I came to earth and landed in the hood, in my earth mothers back yard. I was just a baby the and she took me in a raised me as her own, she was the only mother I knew until I discover my true identity. And I would live amongst the human race as their guardian. Does thus story sound familiar? I admit I have some influence for the story, and as my life grew so did my story. It's fun to dream....

Here we go again

Lately, I've been feeling bad all over again, and with a laundry list of bad feeling sometimes I rather keep to myself, as I feel that I will become the person that is constantly all gloom and doom. But everything I read says that its better to clear the air, and get your feeling out instead of bottling them, so here I go. The first is feeling tired and sometimes I get so sleepy that there's nothing that can keep me from falling asleep. And I get plenty of rest, at least I feel like it. But, in the middle of the day I get so sleepy and struggle with staying awake. I also, seem to get tired faster why playing basketball, I hope that it's just my need to maybe work out more, but I wonder being that in the pool my wind is not the same as well. I use to be able to swim the length of the pool down and back without taking a breathe, and now I can only go half way and i have to come up for air.
The pain in my hips, knee's, and ankle have came back, But, there's also the sharp stabbing pain in my feet, and sometimes the feeling of losing circulation in my feel and the need to take my shoes off. Sometimes, I get sick to my stomach and I have this headaches that come and go, and oily, sweaty skin, it kinda annoying. Throughout the day I feel the need to wash my face several times to make me feel better. Then there's the facial hair, it grows at a ridiculous rate. I have to do a lot more grooming these days. More than I ever had to do in the past. and last night, I had this pain in my chest that scared me and almost brought tears to my eyes. at that moment I could he my doctor telling how he is worried that I may die from a heart attack on day. I would tell someone, but worried about what they may tell me, or the attention it may bring. I checked my blood pressure and it's kinda high one day, and then the next day it normal.
Then there's my Endocrinologist who just told me that he'll be leaving and he is referring my to another Dr.Which makes everything a little more scary, because I don't know this man, and I don't know what kind of effort he'll put forth for me. And you see I told him of how I was feeling and he explained that its the growth hormone that it causing it, and he had me do some blood tet to see where my levels were in case he had to adjust my medications before he left, and did not her from him, I tried calling all I wanted was to her something. I heard from his assistant, and she told me that everything seems to be ok. So, I asked her what does that mean and she said that my Growth hormone is a little high, but it should be OK. Now, I'm trying not to blow anything out of proportion, and just explain it the way it was given to me. So, from my understanding high, a little high is the same thing and not good. but, I'm not the doctor so, maybe I don't know and she not a doctor either, so what does that say about he info. But, she good and her attentions are good to, so let me not make it seem like she doesn't know what she talking aboout.
Maybe I'm just over reacting.....

Today I went to play basketball with some old friends I haven't seen in a while, it was a blast though. The group of people we played with, were great, they just wanted to play ball. The games were competitive, and fun. They wasn't any complaining or fighting which seems to be the norm in most gym's.
I of course was the biggest person on the court, and they all let it be known. But, it was all in fun. There was a lot of smiles and laughyer. I did, however, feel tired out there and I work out enough where I shouldn't. And lately I been noticing at the gym that it seems that I'm not getting in better shape no matter how hard I work. And that I have these days when I feel so tired, and there's almost nothing I can do to keep from falling asleep. But, I don't want to let that stop me. Cause, I don't know when I won't be able to play any more.

When I first began this....

<p>When I first began this blog, I did not intend to share it with anyone. It was meant to help me understand&amp;#160; plus deal with a drastic life changing event, and to help me cope with it. So, in the beginning I began to write really personal things, and then, I began feeling... I have to be comfortable with it all, "this is my life," I thought to myself. The constant doctor visits, blood draws, MRI's, the pain, and uncomfortability. My daily routine of medication, and changing of my diet, and workout habits. Many of these changes, however, made me feel better about myself, and gave me clarity of the mind, being that its no longer clouded with the junk that I was putting in my body. So I decided to share with the world. The good and the bad. Now, I'm not going to lie, I was fearful of the response. I was putting myself out there, with no reservations. <br>
So, initially the attention I got was great. So many people responded and gave me such great feedback, and I began to want to have more and more people to continue to read it, and effect them in the same way. All that attention went to my head, and I got ahead of myself, and beside myself. So much so, that I put pressure on myself to continue to write post that command that type of response, and to keep the readers interested.&#160; I began to struggle with what to say, and at the same time I had all these feeling swelling up in my, that I thought were not attractive enough, but I needed to get out. But then I realize that not many people really did not care, and I was writting for no one, cause no one was listening. So I need to write for myself. Write what I feel, what I'm struggling with, and what I'm going through.
I am reminded, of something I read about taking advantage of the time you have, not to leave anything to waste. You never know how much time you have in this world, it could all end tomorrow. So, how do you want to be remembered? And what do you want to be remembered for?