Just thinking....

So, when I first started writing this blog, my attentions where not for this blog to be all gloom and doom, writing nothing but sad and depressing stories. I did, however, want to share a lot of personal feelings about my situation. And sometimes, gloom and doom, seems to be all there is.  And, in the beginning, I was still dealing with my new reality alone, with very little support. I have a lot of plans for my future and I'm working on them. Sometimes, without a clue of how to accomplish them... And my support system is there, but unsure that they know how to advise me on how to go about accomplishing what it is I desire. But, they are there none the less. Even though, I feel sometimes it doesn't matter what I do, as long as its not robbing people or anything criminal.
Sometimes, I struggle to find things to write about, cause, I don't want to loose your attention... But, I have to remember that it really it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks.  You see, I'm the one going through this everyday of my life. And I started writing this blog as away of coping with my new reality.  Knowing that most people could never really, and completely understand what I'm going through.
Initially, when I got the news of my diagnoses and the recommended course of action, I was in disbelief. But, I also had this overwhelming sense of peace and calmness. As if, God himself told me I would be ok. And in some respects, I think he did. But, I could see on my friends and loved ones faces that they thought the worste and it was hard to convince them that there wasn't anything to worry about. I could remember going to a party, and everyone was treating me like that would be the last time they would see me. Like, I was going to die. That was difficult, but, began to shape my new reality. Then, I had surgery and I began my road to recovery. But, soon learned, that your never free from this thing. And now that I'm in the second phase of treatment, I'm trying to find away to turn this seemingly negative thing, into a positive. And positive changes within my life.  And as I work on that, it seems that the negative is working itself out of my life.