well, today was and OK day. I got to sleep in today which is always nice, and then I took my medications and vitamins. I when to the optical office to get my glasses fixed and went to my other doctors appointments. I first went to the lab to do a sperm analysis, and when I got to the front desk, there was a pretty girl and I saw her and chickened out. Which I know is silly, I have a girlfriend, who I love very much, so I shouldn't be concerned with that.  But, for some reason I thought about her and anyone knowing what I was doing as embarrassing and I quickly made my exit. I then went to my appointment with my Endocrinologist, and I got to talk to him bit. I explain to him how I felt about my condition, and how I felt about being different. He tried to make me feel better about everything by telling me that, because of my condition, I have the ability to get big and strong, and my size has alot of advantages in life, like sports. He also ask if I had a significant other, and I replied "yes" and he toldme, "see, everything is ok1" and I thought, yeah, I am unique and have been unique all my life. And this confirm it.

So, tomorrow I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist. I'm going to find out how I'm doing, and if my Acromegaly is progressing or if it's in a place of remission. I mean, I feel great... I haven't felt sick, or any aches or pains. I have been having a slight headache from time to time, and  little hoarseness lately. My voice sometime is really deep, which is kinda cool, except that I know its part of the side effects. I do want to ask him some questions, some things I've been struggling with. Like, for example, I'm part of this group Acromegaly community, This is supposed to be an support group for people like me, people with Acromegaly. Yet, most of the people I see don't look like me, they don't look as big as me. And then they have a store, where you can buy clothing with the Acromegaly community writing on it. But, none of it fits me, I thought I found somewhere, where I fit in, finally! But, I still don't fit in, the very place where I should, doesn't even Accommodate me. It brought me back to how I felt all my life, I just want to know if I'm that big, if there's something that makes me different from the rest, and why?
Then later I have to go to the sperm bank and do a Sperm analysis, I need to have my sperm count checked and my fertility, because this condition can effect whether or not I am able to have children, and I need to know for sure. My girlfriend didn't want me to write about this, But, I feel I need to get this off my chest, being that I have no one to talk to, and I have no friend who take interest in anything I say or do anyway. This is my outlet, and if I dont say anything, I'm allowing myself to be cut short, and my growth stunted. Especially, dealing with the thing that I have to deal with on a day to day basis.

My life

Today has started off as a good day so far. I woke up, made breakfast for me and my girl,  some eggs with a big glass of Orange juice. I took my medication and vitamins and loaded my ipod with this new album from an artist name Planet VI, the album is loaded with positive messages. It's playing through my headphones, like a soundtrack to my life. I went to my doctors visit, and it went great! Things are looking good and he made me feel good about life and my situation. Being that I have Acromegaly, there's many complications I have to be aware of. And my health has to be major focus in my life, and because I'm taking that part of my life serious, my doctor says I'm going to be ok. After my doctors visit, I get on the bus a head to work, the sun is out, shining bright, its a beautiful day. It a good day.  I take my time, and try to notice the beauty around me. I am reminded of a conversation, where the observation was, that there isn't any ugly people anymore... And I made the comment that all people have something beautiful about them. As I watched the people entering and exiting the set, and variety of looks and persona's. I then began thinking about life and what to do with it, and being in such a good mood, and my attitude is good, as well, I'm not ready to let anyone change that. Instead, I want to ride it out, plan to continue feeling this way.

So, its been a week since my last doctor's visit. He changed my blood pressure medication, because one would keep me up throughout the night, as I had to constantly go to the bathroom.  And I've noticed, since then, I've gained around 20 pounds, and felt bloated.and I'm having these headaches. The weight gain was so sudden, and I couldn't explain it to people, but I noticed it right away. I thought that I was losing my mind,  and come  to find out, that I have gained weight due to water retention. And the headaches, are orthosatic in nature. They come when change position, from sitting to standing, when bending over, and from behind the eyes.  Sometimes, it feels ,as if, someone stabbed me in my eye. I, also, have been getting really tired lately. And feeling really run down. My endocrinologist says that, since I been on the medication, symptoms should have stop. But, I don't know what is what. I don't know what symptoms are the acromegaly, and what's the medication, or what's is just everyday. I don't think I have it as bad as most people I've ready with acromegaly, so I can't complain to much, but, I know there's something going on . 

So, my last visit to the Doctors was a good one I think. All my test where negative, kidneys are working fine and blood pressure was in good shape as well. I also got to ask my doctor a few question, which is why I said I think. I asked questions about my mortality, and he confirmed that this disease will decrease my mortality, but by how much I still don't know, and my doctor then told me that his biggest concerns is heart problems, and that's why all his test are focus mainly on the heart and how its holding up. He tells me that his focus is on my heart cause I could one day die from a heart attack. But, then ends the conversation with, "I think you'll be OK though!"
Then, he goes on to explain to me how good the care I'm getting and it basically is because of my insurance, which I get because of my job. Which is true, I don't know how I would survive without my insurance and the benefits of my job. He then goes on to tell me to not quite, and do what I need to do to rise up the ranks and keep this job so that I'm always taking care of. So, as I think about it, what a strange reality. I really need my job, me keeping my job is life or death. And when I go to work, it's not only for a paycheck, but it to live another day.
I wish I had a way to close this post and bring it all to ahead, and give you the reader something cleaver or thought provoking. Some kind of positive twist on the situation, but I don't. I don't really know how to take the situation, I know I have to keep moving forward, and keep trying to see the beauty in life. Stay motivated through my situation, and maintain some type of sanity.

Just thinking....

So, when I first started writing this blog, my attentions where not for this blog to be all gloom and doom, writing nothing but sad and depressing stories. I did, however, want to share a lot of personal feelings about my situation. And sometimes, gloom and doom, seems to be all there is.  And, in the beginning, I was still dealing with my new reality alone, with very little support. I have a lot of plans for my future and I'm working on them. Sometimes, without a clue of how to accomplish them... And my support system is there, but unsure that they know how to advise me on how to go about accomplishing what it is I desire. But, they are there none the less. Even though, I feel sometimes it doesn't matter what I do, as long as its not robbing people or anything criminal.
Sometimes, I struggle to find things to write about, cause, I don't want to loose your attention... But, I have to remember that it really it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks.  You see, I'm the one going through this everyday of my life. And I started writing this blog as away of coping with my new reality.  Knowing that most people could never really, and completely understand what I'm going through.
Initially, when I got the news of my diagnoses and the recommended course of action, I was in disbelief. But, I also had this overwhelming sense of peace and calmness. As if, God himself told me I would be ok. And in some respects, I think he did. But, I could see on my friends and loved ones faces that they thought the worste and it was hard to convince them that there wasn't anything to worry about. I could remember going to a party, and everyone was treating me like that would be the last time they would see me. Like, I was going to die. That was difficult, but, began to shape my new reality. Then, I had surgery and I began my road to recovery. But, soon learned, that your never free from this thing. And now that I'm in the second phase of treatment, I'm trying to find away to turn this seemingly negative thing, into a positive. And positive changes within my life.  And as I work on that, it seems that the negative is working itself out of my life.

Where's my motivation

Today, is much like any normal day for me. I woke up and showered, took my medication, had a visit with a nurse to check on the way I was administering my injections and she gave me a few tips on ways I can do it. Fixed myself some breakfast, some eggs scrambled with onions, peppers, mushrooms, and beef sausage. Packed my girlfriends lunch, with one of my famous salads, some craisins, and granola bars. I forgot the fruit, but I'll get her to eat some when she gets home. Give her a kiss as she leaves to start her day. Then just sat on the couch for a couple of hours in silence, and just thought about things. As, I sat on he couch I started to feel a little nausea, a slight headache, and some fatigue. But, it quickly passes. Then, I thought, I should find something to do.  I'm actually trying to find some motivation to go to the gym and workout a little. But, would rather just lay down.
I don't know if this is apart of my condition or not, but sometimes there's no motivation. I see things that I want to do, or even need to. I think about it, but rather lay down, and rest. I feel that mentally this thing can effect me as well, so I try to stay happy and upbeat about things. I try to read about Acromegaly as much as I can, but there's not not a lot of info, and sometime gets a little frustrating. Everything seems to tell you the negative, all the stuff that happens to you as a result of having it. And I'm not really sure what I'm looking for when reading everything. I know, I would like to know if there things I could do on my own to prevent certain complications from happening. Or even a what age or stage can I expect to see certain complications take place. The info, makes it seem like, this is what happens, and that it. It can be that simple, nothing is.