Oh well

Today, I've been struggling with my back, as it has been causing me pain for the past two weeks. I tried to find the cause to why I'm in such pain and discomfort, but the truth is I really don't know why. I woke up one morning feeling wonderful and half way through the morning I felt the pain and delt with the struggle to move properly without pain.
I've tried ibuprofen, heat and ice. And all provided a temporary solution to a bigger problem, my back, comfort, and mobility. I'm kind of worried that it might be the something associated with me and the condition of acromegaly. As I have notice this feeling of being bloated and sharp pains in my stomach, a long with pain in my ankles. There's just something that is a little different with me and its just hard to explain it. And now I have this nagging pain in my lower back. On-line there was a mention of Vertebral disc dysfunction, and that could be a scary thing for me cause that a deterioration and progressive structural change to my back and could change a lot for me, enabling be to continue being so active.
I cant get down though, I have to be positive. Maybe, I just tweaked it and I just need to be patient and make sure i use proper posture and I'll be better in no time....

How funny

So, a day ago I was in the gym working out when a lady approach me. She introduce her self and said that her and a friend noticed me, and where talking about my size. And that she told her friend that she was going to ask me about it. Now, I thought to myself, that this was going to be the normal, "how tall are you?" " Do you play basketball?" Questions. And she began talking about my size and how unique it is and and my features and she explained that she is a physician and wonder if I have acromegaly, and wanted to make sure that I have someone helping me. I admit it took me by surprise, but I was not upset that she asked me that. I actually was kinda happy, she could see what a lot of people can't or choose not to. She them went on to explain that, being that I was and adult and the way that medicine was when I was a child and with HMO's it would've been easy for me to slip through the cracks and go unnoticed, and For me making it to adulthood without being diagnosed and treated. It was nice that she noticed.
She then apologized if she offended me, as she hurried of. I wasn't affended, not at all. But, then some guy, sitting a few chairs over began to express that he was offended for me. He said,"how dare she ask you that!" And hoe upset he would've been. But, then proceeds to ask me how tall am I, if I played basketball and that I should be in the pro's. As I thought to myself, "WoW!" And responded, "I'm retired," with a smile on my face.

excuse me

Well, I've been on a bit of a hiatus from the free blog world. In some regards, as an attempt to gather my thoughts and clear my mind of clutter and garbage. And also, to try and determine a direction I want my life to go. I've had a bit of a struggle go on within myself, as I try and find out what truly is important to me and in this world. Many, have their own opinions and beliefs. They'll fight to make theirs yours, and blindly suggest that any opposed thought, or one that does not coincide with there own is blasphemy. And many people have valid points of views and although many I share, I still hear the contradictions and fear that wasted time and effort on such things may distract me from the truth. Many simple talk to much to actually hear the truth and to hear the answer that goes without saying.
Life is truly too short to concern yourself with foolishness, and at the drop of a hat, your life can abruptly and suddenly stop and change. And that to me means that you should be realistic with yourself, and not perpetuate the immoralities and delusions of others just to fit within the parameters of society. Because, if there is one truism, it would be that ,"you came into this world by yourself and that is how you'll leave." And at some point you will be held accountable for the things you were apart of, which could be the final determination of blissfulness or a tormented soul.
I'm sorry for going H.A.M. This is just something I had to get out, and I truly wish all happiness, and peace.
-one

I just want to get this off my chest

Someone posted, "God hears you loud and clear, sometimes we need to be quiet to hear him." As I thought about that, I'm always praying, and my prayers go according to my life. As of lately, I've been praying for a clear mind, or shall I say to think clearly. Because, I feel that if I can quiet the noise I have hear our heavenly father and the message he has for me.
And then, I think about those who I keep as company sometimes. And how often our conversations turn into battles, or debates. And often, they may become so self absorbed, that they're vision becomes clouded and are unable to see the answers to the concerns. Even when the answers are placed right in front of them.
There's plenty of instances, where I feel that the very issue that we complain of, is God's answer to us. It's God's solution, and we are so busy talking and complaining that we are unable to grasp that, and we are not listening so we miss that.
This it just something I was thinking about....

remenising on the past

So... Today, I'm thinking of my journey through life for these past two years, and I'm reminded of the time when I first learned of my affliction, although, I don't perceive it as so. I had a series of unfortunate events, that lead to the discovery of a tumor and ultimately save my life, or at least prolonged it. There was a lot speculation from my doctor, on whether or not I indeed, had the disease made famous by the Late Andre the Giant, and though the thought had been stained in the back of my mind, I  still hadn't realize that this is serious yet. It wasn't until I under went a few test that confirmed the diagnoses of Acromegaly.  He then explained to me, what exactly Acromegaly is, and how it effects my body as well as my health. He also explained that the recommended course of action was to have surgery, because of the size of the tumor and that it threatened my vision, also, that I was experiencing the side effects of the disease a lot quicker than expected. I remember that day clearly, after receiving the news, I left my doctors office. The was out, not a cloud in the sky. I recall the sound of birds chirping, and the world being so nice to me. I felt that everyone, including strangers were overwhelmingly nice to me. Everyone smiling at me, while I try to smile back, all the while, a swarm of emotions ran through me, the thought of the disease and surgery, and what it might mean for me, how I would tell my family, and what my future might be like after it was all done. I had a long time to think about it, as I had taken the the city bus that day, and not only did I have a long walk to the bus stop, I also had a long bus ride home. I don't recall the feeling of fear, and I thought maybe I should, and began wondering if something was wrong with me because I'm not scare. I might've had a brief sensation of worry, but I was pretty calm. By the time I made it home I was at peace with it all. I had rationalize it all in my head. You see, from the time I was a young man til now, who I am was because of this, and the wonderful things I've seen and done wad because of who I am. I had came to terms with it all, and was grateful for it all. I knew, however that I still had to explain it to my mom and my girlfriend, which I felt wouldn't be easy. So, first I explained it to my girlfriend and then my mother, and with both I could since the fear, and worry in the voice and facial expression, but both told me that my calmness and my attitude made it hard for them to panic.
I think the one of the biggest impacts, this situation had on me, was at a friend's party, shortly before my surgery. I'm not really sure what the party was for, but,it seemed like everyone was there. All of his family was there and a lot of friends from our childhood were there. It was a huge event. I remember, shortly into the party it became apparent to me that everyone knew my situation.They all knew that I had this brain tumor, and was having surgery to remove it. I remember feeling that everyone was treating me as if this was the last time they would ever see me again. I remember listening to everyone talking about me as if I was not there, as they all told their "remember when Anthony..." stories, and each person telling me how much the appreciated me and the person I was, as if that was going to end...They were telling me bye. All night, I was getting long embraced hugs, and kisses on the forehead. I felt like the spirit in the room that has yet realized that he's dead. Or that I should be on my death bed, and they all came to my room to share my last moments alive. It was odd and strange, a feeling I really did not like. I then thought that I should write my life down and share my experiences with others so that when I do go my memories lives on, long after.

Just a thought

I'm siting here in front of this computer,and I'm thinking to myself... I'm thinking about life and what it means to me and what it possibly means to everyone else. How is it that certain things become important to others and not to some? And how desperately we try to make the ones closes to us, feel what it is we love. Why do some of us become the most honest people in the world, while others become the most manipulating type of person they can be... What makes you, you... And what makes me, me...
I can attribute a lot of things to the way that we were raised, and the experiences that we have. I can remember specific events in my life that shape a thought process in a positive or negative way. And yet, someone can experience the same exact event and take it, in a completely opposite way.
 I can reduce most of the way I am down to my size and the fact I've been the largest person in my age group since sixth grade. Because of how people per-sieved me and how they reacted towards me. I can remember when I decided that I was not going to take advantage of it. That everything I do was going to be the opposite of what someone, who is a complete stranger would expect of me. And, to my surprise,  I would find out that people who claim to know me, would find my behavior unexpected as well. just a thought...

Well, today is going to be a rough day for me. I did not get hardly any sleep, I laid in bed until 3 a.m. and had to wake up at 5:30 a.m. So, I'm sitting here at work trying to keep my mind occupied. But, there's no doubt that I will make it. I, however, was thinking that I had been slacking on my health just a little bit... I was, as some doctors may call it, non compliant. I haven't been taking my medications and checking my blood pressures as I am suppose to. I just been a little tired, both physically and mentally. I know thats no excuse, I know! It just been getting to me a little. the same thing over and over again. Which none of which is pleasant at all. I often dred it. And today, is my day to get back on track. I'm taking all my medications today,I going to eat right today, and focus on what it is I have to do.